No one cares
This story may be edited for strong language. This story belongs to the author and does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Matthew Patton Foundation.
I was on active duty for 7 years. In 2014 I was transferred to my company operations from my maintenance squad because I had an outstanding record of excellence in the battalion. I was the battalion ncoic for funerals and never had a complaint against me. When I was transferred in early 2014 I had a hard keeping up with all the company operations and began to work later and later and on the weekends as well. I stopped sleeping because I was so worried I wasn't doing enough. My marriage was falling apart and I began spiraling down hill. My XO who was a prior NCO noticed a changed in my behavior and escorted me to mental health. I began therapy but in early July when I was transferred back to my squad I was still not sleeping. One night I took some of my wife's anxiety medication and the next day we had a 100% urinalysis. I failed. This just added to the many problems I had going on. When I did fall asleep I had terrors from my deployment. One day I lost all control and hit my son out of anger cause he didn't listen and do what he was told. I left many bruises on his face and back. The mp's were called the next day when he went to school. I wasn't allowed to go home again for almost a week. I just wanted to end my life. One day I walked into mental health to talk to someone and the CPT I had been seeing told me I was t safe anymore. He put me in the psychological inpatient ward. I was there a week. I left there better then I was but when I tried to see him again my leaders told me my chapter was more important. My wife and kids left me shortly after I was discharged from the hospital. I was alone everyday for 6 months in a empty house. My pay was reduced so bad I couldn't afford to pay bills feed my kids and wife who were 600 miles away and myself. I stole MRE'S to eat at night. I tried telling my platoon sergeant and squad leader what was going on but to no avail. They told me to suck up. I served 7 years in one company. I gave them everything I had. I sacrificed my marriage almost for it. I lost my sanity for it. And I was thrown into the streets with nothing. I now owe the army almost $1200 because they refused to let me jump and refuse to close my jump log. I was told by ACAP I can keep my tricare for up to 6 months but they cancelled it the day I was discharged. Now I would have to pay out of pocket for any medical expense and therapy I need to help myself. I am back to feeling down again. I can't sleep and I am still not with my family because I can not afford to move them to where I am working at. Seven years with the army and I got nothing to show for it now. An other then honorable discharge for my actions. I just want someone to talk to and someone to understand what I am going through and some guidance to better myself. I still think about suicide almost everyday and I still see the faces of my brothers I lost in our deployment. I feel like no one cares and no one is there.